Why does the world hate me?
by xXChipmunksXx
Summary: Artemis attempts suicide but not everything goes according to plan.
1. Knifes and Cliffs

**Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl but I do own my thoughts… at least I hope so. Grins evilly**

**Sorry to anyone who liked my other story that I deleted please tell me if you want me to post it up again. **

**Just remember the chipmunks are watching. Mu ha ha ha ha ha ha…ha**

**On with the story.**

**Chapter 1, Knives and Cliffs**

This was it. His first attempt had failed but this time was different. He looked down at his thin wrist, remembering.

_Flashback_

Artemis sprinted down the antique stairs two at a time. He didn't have long; Butler would be back from his daily rounds in ten minutes. He grabbed a knife from the kitchen then ran to his bedroom, locking his door. He was shaking with excitement. He sat on his bed with a sigh. Was this really what he wanted? Yes said a voice in his head. Holly hated him after he had confessed on that moonlit night his undying love for her. She had slapped him in the face, hard, and then run off to join her people once again. His parents thought he was a bad influence on the twins, that's why they had gone on holiday, to let him sort out his problems. Butler would be better off with out him and Minerva was dead after that horrible car accident.

"Artemis?" Butler was back. "Goodbye old friend" Artemis called downstairs. Butler picked up on his tone. "Artemis come downstairs right now". "I'm afraid I can't do that, Butler". Butler was practically flying up the stairs now. "Artemis don't do anything stupid" but Artemis was no longer listening. All he could hear was the constant beating of his heart and the voice in his head yelling" DO IT" over and over again.

Artemis put the gleaming knife to his wrist and slashed. There was a slight stinging but why wasn't he bleeding? He tried a few more times without success. "WHAT!!!" he shrieked staring at the knife. The blunt knife.

Butler crashed through the door only to find the pale youth crying miserably in the corner of his bed. His tear streaked face looked up. "Why does the world hate me, Butler" he croaked a final sob escaped from him. "Artemis I think we should get you some help".

After that his parents and Butler had sent him to a mental hospital. Even though he had begged and pleaded (which did not suit him) they had sent him to a place where he probably knew more about psychology than the councilors. He had been stuck in a padded room with absolutely nothing he could hurt himself with. Even the laces had been taken off his designer shoes incase he tried to hang himself.

It had been easy to escape. One of the nurses had left his door open when she had heard a scream. The scream had come from a blonde girl called Hannah. She was there because she popped pills. Then it had just been a matter of getting someone else to distract the receptionist. This time it was a girl called Kelsey. She was in for cutting herself. He had snuck past and found the cliff he was standing on right now. He'd never heard of the cliff but that didn't matter. All that mattered was letting his poor tortured soul free. He made sure he didn't look down, that would only scare him. He went to take his leap of death when a huge gust of wind blew him sprawling on his back.

"Even the weather hates me" he muttered when he felt someone land next to him. "Do you need a hand Arty" said the familiar of Holly Short as she offered a hand to the Irish boy. He looked at it then got to his feet.

"Don't try and stop me Holly". "Don't worry, I'm going to enjoy this as much as you" Holly said with an evil grin. "Now turn around and I'll push you". Artemis obeyed. "Thank you Holly" Artemis whispered as he was pushed to his death. He felt the wind rush through his raven locks, saw the cold hard ground rushing up, heard the air whistling through his ears and then…thud.

He slowly got to his feet. He was aching all over. He looked up to see Holly on thee edge of the so called cliff maybe ten feet above. She raised a hand in goodbye the shielded and returned to her people like before. Artemis raised a fist to the sky. "Someday I will succeed" he screamed at the blue heavens "Someday".

**If you want another chapter please review I need 2 before I write another chapter**

**Now I want to thank my friend for giving me this idea**

**Just remember the chipmunks are watching.**

**Also the names Hannah and Kelsey are rhyming ones with other names of people I know so if you don't know me you won't get it**


	2. train tracks

**I'm only continuing with this chapter because i'm bored cause it's the holidays.**

**After this chapter there shall be no more.**

**Even though I have the ideas I have a short attention span and no one likes this story not even me. Boo hoo.**

**But still remember the chipmunks are outside your window.**

**On with my last chapter. **

**Chapter 2, Train Tracks**

This time it had to work. He didn't think the other times through, but this time he had planned it. No more stupid mistakes like the blunt knife or the short cliff.

Artemis was lying on hard iron tracks that in just 5 short minutes the train would come bringing with it the satisfaction of death.

He was surprised when his parents hadn't sent him back to the mental hospital. They had said it was probably better if he was surrounded by familiar settings and faces. The faces bit being Butler.

Butler personally blamed himself for what happened after Artemis had escaped. He had been on guard duty outside the mental hospital but had been distracted by a mental patient called Zoe. She had run up to Butler franticly saying Artemis had escaped from the garden somehow and was running away. He had sprinted around to the back to find the girl was lying. He had returned to his post not knowing Artemis had escaped. It was only when Holly had lightly tapped him on the shoulder and whispered in his ear that Artemis was aching a bit. He had searched the premises only to find Artemis moaning in obvious discomfort. He had then picked the small boy up in his giant arms and carried him to the Bentley. Artemis had wished for him not to tell his parents what had happened therefore he hadn't.

Butler had gone to bed that very night, locking Artemis in his bedroom as usual, not knowing what Artemis was planning. Last night Artemis had taught himself to pick locks. He had disabled the alarm system from laptop and snuck out to just outside Butler's room. Butler got up every 2 hours to check on Artemis but today Artemis had a dart gun. It had been loaded with the exact amount of knock out serum according to Butler weight. He had shot his old friend and sprinted away. Of course Butler had tried to chase him but he was down by the time he reached the stairs. "Artemis" were the last muttered word that Butler whispered before he gave in and slept peacefully.

And now Artemis was lying on the track waiting for the train to come. He could hear it rattling down the tracks. It couldn't be more than 2 minutes now before he welcomed the cold touch of death. He smiled to himself as he gazed toward the headlights rushing down the track. Butler would wake up in about an hour to find his charge dead lying on a rusty track. Artemis looked up at the full moon when suddenly

It turned into the smiling face of Holly. "You never really loved me" he whispered as the smell of burning coal grew closer with every passing second.

Inside the train the conductor was receiving a message on the radio. "I'm afraid you'll have to go to Dublin to pick up some passengers, the train that was meant to pick them up broke down" the boss was saying over the wireless "that is all". The boss cut off the connection. "Looks like we're using the other track tonight" the conductor muttered to himself as the tracks changed.

Artemis could only stare in disbelief as the train speed down an opposite track. He tilted his head towards the full moon once more to see Holly's smile had turned into an evil grin staring down at him mockingly. "Damn you" he shouted into the cold night as he began his long trek home.

**Yay I finally finished.**

**By the way I'll probably write another chapter if I get bored even though this story sucks.**

**And remember the chipmunks are outside your window.**

**Also hint hint the name Zoe to Bim. Hint hint nudge nudge cough cough wink wink say no more, I also know it will take you five minutes or so to work it out.**

**TTFN**

**Taa taa for now **


	3. Yellow Paint

**Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or any other characters in this story…if I did I would be off writing stories for a publisher and making big money…even though I wish I was.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed…hope you don't mind that it took me so long to post it up…I had a social life…actually I had too much homework but same difference ;)**

**Well on with my suckyful and never to be finished story.**

**Did you know suckyful isn't a word? This fact has wrecked my whole day…i'm so sad…I've been lied to all these years!!!**

**Well that sucks…on with the story. (For real this time)**

**Yellow Paint**

A pale Irish youth was starring out at the concrete coloured skies, hoping for some inspiration. He was attempting to improve his artistic abilities…or rather Butler was forcing him to paint as a way to let out his emotions, a way that wasn't suicidal.

He gazed blankly around his room when he randomly thought of a brilliant idea. He looked at the paint tube in his open hand with a raised eyebrow. Would this really work, this spur of the moment idea?

He raised the colourful plastic tube to his lips and sucked all the yellow liquid out. He then gulped the disgusting chemicals down, slowly sliding down his throat. He started gagging but that was ok, it would all be over soon.

He ran into the adjoining bathroom and threw up a combination of yellow paint and bile. But that was also ok…the poison would already be making its way through his digestive system and soon would work its way into his blood stream.

He lay on his bed waiting for his body to start shutting down. There was a smug look on his face but that was soon to disappear. How could Butler have been so stupid as to give suicidal teenager paint? Then I hit him…Butler wasn't that stupid.

Artemis leapt off his bed only to double over vomiting. He managed to reach the tube of paint and read the label. He found the words he least wanted to see…Non-toxic. That one phrase went through the genius's brain over and over before he finally understood. His thinking session was cut short though when he doubled over once more. Between retches he managed to gasp six words…Why does the world hate me?

**A/N: once again sorry it took so long to post up but no one ever told me high school was so hard…sorry its so short to but my mind wasn't working when I wrote this.**

**I need 2 more reviews before I post up the next chapter…which is already written.**

**So ya**

**Thanks!!!**

**(I just found out ya isn't a word either…this day just keeps getting better and better)**


	4. Tablets

****

**Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or any other characters in this story…if I did I would be off writing stories for a publisher and making big money…even though I wish I was.**

Sorry this has taken like forever to do but better late than never right?

dont know if Ill continue with this story or not but if i get enough reviews i might just get off my lazy a and write a couple of other chapters.

Hope you enjoy

xXChipmunksXx

**Chapter 4: Tablets**

He had a plan. It had to work. It was impossible that it would fail. Okay, maybe not impossible but highly improbable. But then again, he'd thought his other plans had been too. But now wasn't the time to be pessimistic. Now was a time for action. All he needed now was a way to distract Butler…

"Butler the toilet wont flush" Artemis yelled from his large bedroom. Pathetic, he knew it, but all he needed was for his damn door to be unlocked so he could get to a certain cabinet. A groan from outside informed him that Butler had heard loud and clear. A familiar clicking of the lock mechanism and Butler entered the room. The large shape took one glance at Artemis and disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. Perfect. Little did he know, Artemis had modified the lock on the bathroom door so it could not be unlocked from the inside. Artemis quietly shut the door, and locked it, hoping the large man wouldn't notice for a little while. Poor Butler. What had he done to deserve this?

He ran down the stairs, two at a time. He was heading towards the downstairs bathroom. And the cabinet he intended to raid was the medicine cabinet. Mothers sleeping pills were kept in there. He had seen Juliet constantly collect them when his mother was ill, so that his mother may get a peaceful rest, with no dreams. But he wasn't planning on having a nice nap. No, he intended to go to sleep. Permanently.

He entered the bathroom. It was a nice room. A large claw-footed bath. Nice, clean white tiles. And most beautiful of all, the medicine cabinet. On the door on the cabinet, there was a mirror. Artemis stared at the boy in the mirror. A pale boy with raven hair stood there but something was horribly wrong. Once cold blue eyes, filled with intelligence and a yearning for knowledge, had succumbed to dull blue eyes, filled with misery and self-hatred. He was about to fix that.

He tore open the cabinet door and searched through the bottles. A crash upstairs told him Butler had gotten out. He rushed and found the clear brown bottle. Ah, relief at last he thought as he popped the tablets into his mouth and started crunching them. He heard Butler thumping down the stairs. Too late to stop me know. The pills certainly tasted interesting. A tangy almost sweet taste. Butler rushed into the room. But surprisingly he just stood there. A confused look on his face told Artemis something was wrong. He looked at the bottle closely for the first time. He gasped as he read the label. "Vitamin c tablets. Perfect for small children to swallow."

Artemis's throat went dry and he only just managed to swallow the tablets. He gazed at Butler and simply said "you better fix the bathroom door".

**Hi again!**

**If you have any ideas for other chapters id be more than happy to listen. **

**also how do you want this story to end? happy or he finally dies?**

**Thanx**


	5. Bang

**Disclaimer:**** You know the drill; I do not own any of the characters in this story**

**Okay so I've come back to this old project, even though I'm not sure how many people will read it now. **

**I'm going to use ideas given to me in reviews. And I know how this story will end, I just need to get there.**

**This idea was given to me by ****Blackmonday****(albeit, slightly altered) so credit them for the idea. Thanks!**

**Chapter 5: Bang**

"Butler, I wish to reminisce on the better times shared with my siblings" I called from my now genius-proofed room. I heard many clicks as my door was unlocked. And then Butler's body was placed firmly in the centre of the doorway. Like I would try THAT again.

"Okay Artemis, How do you propose we do that" "I wish to sit in their room, perhaps look at their toys...I just miss them" I pouted up at my large bodyguard. A sympathetic look replaced Butler's sceptic expression. Yes. I am a truly talented actor obviously.

Sigh. "Alright Artemis, I shall allow you to leave your room in this instance, as long as I am with you every moment you're out". "Of course Butler, I would expect no less of you".

And with that I was being lead form my room, Butler's hand firmly grasping my own, preventing escape. We stopped at a door, marked with four leaf clovers and a pot of gold. Heh. If only my parents knew the truth of that tale.

The door was open and an instant look of joy was upon my face. Oh I really do miss my siblings. Their toys, their small little beds. It all reminded me that I'd pushed them away, of how lonely I had become. They would be happier once I was gone, they could come back and be a happy family once more. I was doing the right thing.

I gingerly sat down on my brothers bed, a batman cover may I note. I was scanning the room. To Butler, it must've seemed as though I was indeed reminiscing. But the truth was that I was looking for something. A small black something to achieve my goal. Ah. There it was. Placed on top of the wardrobe. And I believe I am just tall enough to reach it.

This small black something was a gun. Probably placed here if the situation should arise where Butler's own hand gun ran out of ammunition. I had seen it once, back in happier times, when I was playing with my siblings. It always looked so lonely upon the wardrobe. Just like me.

I got up off the bed slowly, making as if to approach a scribbled picture of a rabbit, in reality edging towards the weapon. Butler had a look of happiness on his face, as if he thought this may be the beginning of a recovery. I'm truly sorry old friend.

I casually inched closer to the weapon. Any second I would spring up and have it in my hands. Then I would have approximately 4 seconds to aim and fire before Butler could take me down. It was a tight squeeze but I could make it.

I swerved to the side, Butler's expression changing from joy to concern. My hands collided with the cold metal. Perfect.

4 seconds.

Butler was reacting. I could see him placing his weight on his back foot, ready to take off. The gun was already swung halfway towards my head.

3 seconds.

Butler had just sprung. His feet were inches off the ground. The gun was now pointing at my head.

2 seconds.

Butler was halfway across the room. His massive weight backing him up. While I was flicking the safety off.

1 second.

Butler was very nearly on top of me. My earlier assumption of a tight squeeze was right. But I was already pulling the trigger it was too late.

Bang.

That's exactly what the sign said that came out of the TOY gun and hit me in the face. And then I was thrown into a wall by Butler, smothered and suffocating. And before everything went black from fainting, I muttered 6 words. "Why does the world hate me?"

**Hehe. Poor Arty. He can't get anything right. **

**Sorry for the poor writing skills. I haven't written in a while.**

**I will try to stick to this story and finish it. There will be 3-4 more chapters before the big finale.**

Sincerely xXChipmunksXx


	6. Exersise is good for you?

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Artemis Fowl or any of the characters featured in this story.**

**Okay, so first up thank you to anyone who reviewed the last chapter. It is greatly appreciated.**

**Also I realise I don't update often, But it's because I have exams coming up. So sorry about that.**

**And I am sorry for any grammatical errors that present themselves. When the computer tells me I'm wrong, I ignore it.**

**And finally I want to hear your ideas! It doesn't matter if it's sadistic...sadistic can be amusing!**

**So on with the chapter!**

**Exercise is good for you?**

I was standing on a concrete sports court. Why, you may ask? Well some imbecile told Butler that exercise releases endorphins, which "makes you happy" as Butler so intelligently put it.

Speaking of Butler, he was also on the sports court. Decked out in a full track suit, sweat bands combo. At the moment he was finishing up a round of 100 press-ups. "...99, 100. Nothing better than exercise Artemis" "what's the point? I am intending on pursuing and academic career, I am naturally low in body fat and I have a body guard to protect me" Butler gave a great sigh "It'll make you feel better" he turned to get a drink, as he did so I muttered "I highly doubt that" under my breath.

"Well let's get started". 10 jumping jacks, 5 push-ups and 10 ski jumps later and every part of my body was geared for a nice soothing bubble bath.

"Okay, now on to the real workout!" Butler's grin was far too big for someone who had done that much exercise. "Wait, you're telling me that wasn't the workout?" "No, that was just a warm up" I was ready to faint when I noticed him pulling out two skipping ropes and handing me one. Skipping rope. Rope. That gave me an idea.

We began skipping but suddenly my feet became tangled in the rope. Whack. My knee hit the ground and a huge scrape ran the length of my leg . Butler rushed over, as any loyal body guard would, and knelt down to survey the damage. "Oh my...look's potentially infectious...I'll go get the anti-septic" and off he ran. Honestly, he was a great bodyguard but really shouldn't be left in charge of a suicidal genius.

I picked myself off the ground and began to walk towards a bunch of trees. I took the gym bag with me.

10 steps later and i was at the base of a sturdy looking oak tree. I began to tie the rope on a low-ish branch. The came the noose. A simple knot. Just like they taught in boy scouts. I place the bag underneath , glad that Butler was a gym fanatic or the bag may not have been full enough to support my weight in the necessary way. I ascend the bag.

I slip the noose around my delicate neck. I was sorry that this is the sight Butler would have to witness when he returned but it was necessary. I push the bag from beneath my feet, feel the noose go tight, my air supply slowly being cut off. I hear a snapping, which I assume is my neck, then, blackness.

_3 days later..._

I groggily open my eyes to stare at pristine white. Hm. I didn't think I was going to heaven. But once the bitter smell of too clean hit my nostrils I knew this was no heaven. This was a hospital. And the pounding headache was making this so much harder to process. I look over to see a very nervous Butler. Huh. I'd never seen him nervous.

"What happened?" I tried to ask, but came out as more of a croak. "When you tried to do...that" he practically spit the word "the branch gave way" the snap... "and you hit your head on a rock". That explained the headache that was pounding with vengeance.

Butler cleared his throat "Your parents have decided that they do not have the resources to keep you safe and I feel that I am no longer capable of protecting you from yourself" I felt my heart start to pound...no...not my only friend "You are being sent to the world's leading mental hospital...in France" he refused to meet my eyes.

"Butler...please...I need you" He began to get up and leave "Don't leave me!" he was already out the door.

"The world truly does hate me..." and with that I curled up on the bed, letting the beeping machines lullaby me to sleep.

**So that's the end of that chapter!**

**I tried to be better on the grammatical front this time so hopefully it's an improvement.**

**Also probably my last update for a while so once again sorry!**

**And reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	7. Turbulence

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Artemis Fowl or any of the characters featured in this story.**

**Thank you to anyone who has reviewed this story! It is encouraging me to finish.**

**So now that exams are over I hope to update more often. And with 3 chapters estimated after this, I have set myself a deadline of Christmas! (coz y'know, a suicide parody should so be finished on Christmas XD)**

**The following idea was suggested by ****Killerbunny1**** and I'm using it because I think it's pretty amusing.**

**On with the story!**

**Chapter 7: Turbulence**

Flying 4000 feet above England in a luxury jet, eating caviar and having every whim catered to by staff. Doesn't sound bad in theory. But when you know your destination is a mental institution in France, it makes the ride a little bitter.

Why do I need a jet when travelling from Ireland to France I hear you ask? Well after much consideration, mother and father decided that flight is the safest way for me to travel.

I disagree.

At this moment I was figuring the exact details that would allow me to make an unannounced stop. Right to my death below.

I was remarkably close to the exit. But what did you expect? The crew had no clue that they were hosting a suicidal genius. Mother said it would make them nervous.

I would simply have to walk as though going to the bathroom. I would do this when we entered the cloud bank ahead of us. The following turbulence would cause the crew to buckle themselves in, and thus will not be able to interfere until it is too late.

The aircraft hit the cloud bank. Time for the plan to be placed into action.

Step 1: Get up holding my stomach, appearing to head to the bathroom. Hopefully the idea of the mess associated with the stomach holding would prevent questions. However, a concerned young lady decided she really should step in, beginning to approach me. Luckily that's when the next step kicked in.

Step 2: Turbulence. The concerned young lady thought it more wise to sit down and buckle herself in, like the rest of the crew.

At this moment I am level with the exit, and the only person on the flight not safely buckled in. Good. I may be suicidal but I do not wish for other people to die along with me. The door was a simple airlock door. Only a few locks to undo. Even though, being a genius, I could undo a far more complicated device.

By the time the crew realise my intentions it is too late. I am being sucked out into the open air by the rapid change in air pressure.

I felt like I was floating. My body was being cushioned by the air. Maybe this is what it would feel like after I died, I mused to myself. This is the calm before the storm I suppose, as shortly I would be crashing to my death.

And as if on cue, I break the cloud cover, seeing the English countryside in its patchwork quilt-like glory. I realise that I am approaching the ground rapidly, no longer able to control my fate.

This brought up feelings of nostalgia as I reminisce on the short cliff attempt. But of course this would end much differently. There's no way anyone could survive this. I take a moment to bask in the glory of my success. I mean, it's not like I'll be able to do this later.

A long winding tarmac road seemed to be the where my descent would end. At least the hard surface would make this swift.

With just moments to my approaching death a screw my eyes shut. It's a fact that this was going to hurt like heck before my spine breaks. I scrunch my body up, mentally preparing for contact.

But, while the contact was hard, it was not nearly as bad as I had been lead to believe. In fact, now it kind of felt like it did before, when I had just jumped out of the plane. Maybe this really was what death felt like. A smile came to my face as I opened my eyes to see...

...that I was surrounded by pillows. The smile instantly dropped.

No. No...this only happened in cartoons...it's statistically impossible...

And yet it had occurred. The evidence surrounds me. I had jumped out of a plane pnly to land in a truck full of pillows.

As I pulled at my hair in frustration, I muttered what was becoming the six most common words in my vocabulary.

"Why does the world hate me?"

**Woo! Chapter 7 finally. **

**So let's make the deadline for the next chapter the 11 of December.**

**That'll probably be the 10****th**** for most of you cause New Zealand a day ahead.**

**Anyway remember reviews are common courtesy! **


	8. Trampled

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Artemis Fowl or any of the characters featured in this story.**

**Thank you to my reviewers. You guys are awsometastic!**

**What's this? An update on time? It's unheard of! **

**This idea was given to me by ****Forever Day****. And I thought "Hey I would have never guessed to try commit suicide that way, let's write it!"**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8: Trampled**

Currently I am walking on a dirt road somewhere in the countryside of England.

Why? Because, after I left the pillow truck that regrettably prevented my demise, I found myself in the middle of nowhere. And what is present in ample amounts in the middle of nowhere? Cattle. And thus my next brilliant plan is born. To be trampled.

I know, it sounds like a rather painful way to die. I mean, even I cringe at the thought of it. But as the saying goes, no pain no gain, right? Besides, once a hoof connected with my head, it would all be over.

But now the dilemma was finding a herd of cattle to do said trampling.

I walked a few more meters before hearing a few moos from ahead. And once over the next rise I could see my target. A farmer was leading his cattle to a paddock in my direction, and by some turn of events, he seemed to be lacking complete control of them.

They had that crazed, antsy look about them. The one where one noise could startle them into a stampede. Perfect. Now I needed a noise to do the startling.

That's when I saw the black limo coming up behind them. This site puzzled me temporarily. I mean, who uses a limo in the country? But I soon realised its purpose. To retrieve me.

And they appear to have spotted me.

That's when the pieces of my plan seemed to fit together.

With a smirk on my face, I turned on my heel, appearing to be making a run for it. But once over the rise, I lay on the road.

According to plan, I heard a horn honking. My smirk spread into a full on grin. Only someone who had spent their life in the city would make this mistake.

I heard a few distressed moos arise from the cattle. I also heard the farmer attempting to calm them down. But it was too late.

I felt the earth tremble, spreading through every inch of my body. Only now that I knew the cattle were stampeding toward me, beyond the point of calming down, did I allow myself an inch of satisfaction. My body would be destroyed beyond recognition, which was quite a pity, but I would have managed it. Death.

And with this thought, and the fast approaching stampede, I closed my eyes and tried to relax as best I could before the first blow.

Which was unbelievably soft.

And stayed on my chest.

I opened my eyes, already knowing the worst had happened. The cattle had been diverted and sat upon my chest was none other than a small, grey rabbit.

It looked at me curiously at me, before being startled by the large black limo which, just my luck, managed to stop with its front wheel inches from my head.

I let out the breath that I didn't know I'd been holding, which was shortly followed by somewhat of a catchphrase of mine.

"Why does the world hate me?"

**Poor Arty!**

**Next updates the 18****th**** of December!**

**Until then, review the story!**


	9. l'écureuil Rire

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Artemis Fowl or any of the characters featured in this story.**

**Thank-you to all my reviewers! Wow got a lot after the last chapter!**

**Omg! An early update :O! Because the next chapters gonna take effort to write XD**

**A thank-you to ****imtiilazytologin**** for pointing out that Arty does in fact seem to be losing his mind.**

**Now enjoy the penultimate chapter!**

**Chapter 9: l'écureuil Rire**

From the countryside of England, I had been driven to London in the black limousine (with all the exit points locked). During this whole drive, I was unable to think of a single plan. Me, the great Artemis Fowl, unable to think of a simple plan. This led me to the only logical and inevitable conclusion; this disease, as they call it, was affecting my genius capabilities.

So, with this thought in my head, I allowed myself to be taken to l'écureuil rire, the mental hospital in France, without any fuss. I believe the police escort I was given to be unnecessary, but my parents were concerned and anything can be organised with the money they possess.

I enter through the automatic doors and soon noticed that was a good way to describe everything here- automatic. Automatic drug lines, automatic security system, even the people appeared automatic, apathetic of who you are and what you're feeling.

Another big feature is the stark whiteness. While some may say that white is a calm, clean colour I disagree. If you weren't already crazy when you entered this place, you most certainly would be after a week of just white.

And so I found my thoughts drifting back to suicide, even after my resolve to 'get better', within two weeks of staying at this hospital.

I had learned from my mistakes. I would not try to escape, that would draw too much attention to myself. I had to be creative, as they would look in all the obvious suicide destinations as soon as they noticed me missing. And so I made it my mission to seek out a unique method of suicide.

On this particular day, a change in routine had occurred. Currently it was our 'free time', otherwise known as "You goddamn do something or we'll assume you're depressed and put you on a ton of sedatives", and some patients..erm...I mean residents had decided to use this time in the productive activity of brawling. I'm not surprised. No one here seemed intelligent enough to use words rather than fist to solve problems. And so all the staff were rushing to the scene of the fight; the courtyard.

I decided to slip away in the chaos. I had plots to attend to and I figured we'd be ushered back to our rooms shortly anyway. I intended to return to my room and happened to walk through the cafeteria along the way. I happened a glance at the kitchen when a silver door caught my eye. Intrigued, I approached the door.

This door opened to a very large walk-in freezer. The industrial kind used in large restaurants. Or in this case a cafeteria. Towards the back were large shelves that contained various chilled goods. And a space behind these shelves. A space just big enough to fit someone of my size in...

And that was the moment my next plan began to form. Apparently I hadn't lost my abilities.

The most perfect thing was that the staff was still distracted with the brawl and so would not immediately notice my disappearance.

I snuck back out to the kitchen area to check for one more important detail. A security camera was perched in the corner closest to the kitchen. To my advantage, the angle it was pointing at would have caught me entering the cafeteria but wouldn't have been able to see me leave towards the kitchen. Anyone watching the tape later would assume that I had continued my path, along the hallways, to my room. And, as the halls are currently filled with residents going back to their rooms after the brawl, it would take anyone a long time to work out I was not among them.

With a smirk on my face, I re-entered the freezer and sat myself down behind the shelves. I removed my gown and placed it behind me as a pillow of sorts. I tried my best not to fold myself up, as that would hinder the drop in my body temperature that I desired.

I fell asleep that way, my back pressed against the frozen goods, with a smile on my face. It was nice to know that I was still capable of such brilliant plans, even if this ability was to be 'wasted' in death. My sleep was peaceful, despite the cold, and I couldn't help thinking this was a pleasant way to go.

Unfortunately, this wasn't how I was going to go. I woke up covered in thick white blankets on my bed, in my crisp white room, with the distinct smell of hospital in my nostrils.

Although the term "woke up" may have been a bit of an exaggeration, as the I.V line running into my arm was pumping, what I imagine is, several sedatives into my bloodstream.

I stared at the white ceiling, walls, even ornaments, for so long that my mind managed to convince me that, somehow, the cold had caused me to become blind and, instead of seeing the expected black, all I could see was white. Would figure this place would haunt you for the remainder of your life.

This theory was disproved the moment I saw her walk past. Then my mind offered the more plausible theory that I'd died and gone to heaven. Coz' she sure looked like an angel.

She only paused to glance curiously for a second before continuing to her way. In that one second I decided she was the most beautiful being I'd ever seen, with long blonde hair, milky white skin, and electric green eyes. Of course this may have been the drugs talking.

As the drugs began to wear me out, I found myself falling asleep for the second time in a row with a smile on my face. Only this time it was because of something life could offer rather than death.

Maybe the world doesn't hate me so much after all.

**Drugged Arty is cheesy apparently.**

**Naw! Arty likes life now! But with one last chapter to go, you'll never know the trouble he'll get into! Unless you read it when its posted on Christmas day!**

**Reviews make the author happy!**


	10. And they all lived happily ever after

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Artemis Fowl.**

**Merry Christmas! And thank you to all everyone who has ever reviewed.**

**Oh lord! The final chapter! What will Arty do? Read to find out.**

**A Thank you to ****MajorSamanthaCarter**** and ****vita nuova**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10: And they all Lived Happily Ever After**

Her name was Diana and I soon found out she was a resident here. Diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, she was sent here after she pulled a knife on her mother and was deemed too aggressive for the outside world.

She resided in the ward on the opposite side of the hospital. This was the ward where the residents were dangers to others rather than my ward, where the residents are dangers to themselves.

Coincidentally, her ward was the one where the 'brawlers' resided. Apparently most of her ward was like this. "Brainless imbeciles" Diana would say.

I was still under heavy surveillance after my attempt, but of course I could outsmart my babysitters. And so I would sneak out of my ward to see Di.

We had quite a lot in common. She was of high intellectual capabilities, and was well-taught in the arts and cultures. She originally called London home, which I was quite pleased upon hearing. London was not too far to travel from my home in Ireland.

I fell in love with the way her sweet voice fell from supple lips. I fell in love with the way she would play with her blonde locks when she became shy. I fell in love with the hint of a blush that rose on her cheeks when I complimented her that day. But most of all I fell in love with the way her electric green eyes would sparkle in the middle of a well thought out debate.

I fell in love with her.

And, one month after that last attempt, I told her so. A soft blush rose on her cheeks, and her delicate fingers became entangled in her locks as she told me that she did indeed reciprocate these feelings.

After this, Di became somewhat of an addiction for me. I couldn't go one day without those lush lips before suffering withdrawal symptoms.

But I let this happen. Because, while she became an addiction, she did something no amount of drugs could do; she renewed my desire for life.

In turn I also helped her become whole; she calmed down and began to be able to function in group activities. She became happy.

And thus, 3 months after the moment I said I loved her, during which we continued to fall deeper in love, we were deemed sane enough for the real world. This was possibly the most joyous moment of my young life. I would be able to see my family, I could go back to my genius activities, I could live my life without supervision.

I wouldn't be a hassle or disappointment to anyone.

On our release date, I agreed to escort Di back to her London home. I thought it the perfect opportunity, almost like a romantic getaway, and then I would also know where she lived.

And so we boarded the channel tunnel train. I hear it was quite exciting for first time passengers and so I hoped Diana would look fondly at this memory. I glanced at her to see eyes wide in amazement. I couldn't help the smirk that appeared. I was making an impression and I got to spend 35 minutes with a gorgeous girl. Life certainly was looking up.

About fifteen minutes into our journey I began to detect a hint of smoke coming from behind me. This concerned me slightly until my attention was diverted by Di, who was asking about the mechanics of the train. I was quite happy to supply her with such things as a curious mind is a healthy mind.

However she soon picked up on the scent of smoke too and also became concerned. Matters only became worse when we told the lady serving snacks. The look of fear on her face told us more than her false words of "oh I'm sure it's nothing". She scurried off down the carriage in the opposite direction. I had just decided that I would follow suit, tugging on Diana's wrist, when BANG!

The explosion, later found out to be from a circuit malfunction, caused the train to split in two. As the back half slowed down, Di and I were tossed towards the front of the front carriage. Bad burns coated our bodies, as we had been sitting towards the back of the carriage. Blood leaked from a cut on Di's head and she appeared to be unconscious. I knelt down beside her and cradled her in my arms as I surveyed the situation.

We were on a downward slope, and so the back half of the train was still following us and gaining momentum. But as long as our half continued to move no collision would occur. Others appeared bruised but my precious Di appeared to have sustained the worse injury. I myself was probably a close second. Our half still had the power of the motor, and so we should be arriving at the station, where hopefully medical help was waiting, in about twenty minutes. As long as I could keep Diana stable, we would be fine. Everything would be fine.

That's what I thought until I heard the squealing noise. Apparently the driver decided it was a good move to slam on the brakes. I was jostled forward by the sudden stop and promptly lost my balance, landing beside Di on the floor. I only had enough time to glance out the gaping hole to see my fate awaiting.

The other half of the train hit us with a force I don't quite remember. You see, I had lost consciousness, and this temporary wake period was that before death. I felt something warm in my left hand, and so I carefully turned my head that way. What I saw was the love of my life. Her body twisted and mangled, pieces of hot metal covering her once perfect body, her scarlet blood flowing everywhere.

I realised it was her hand that I was holding. Her dead hand.

A few tears ran down my face as I realised the irony of the situation. And with my last ever breath I muttered those six words that were said so long ago.

"Why does the world hate me?"

**So many people are gonna hate me for that ending.**

**So please tell me if you what you thought of the ultimate demise of Arty!**

**And reviews are a great Christmas present! =]**


	11. Alternative Ending

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Artemis Fowl.**

**Happy easter! **

**This is an alternative ending to my story. You see, alot of people were disappointed with the ending. And I know some people loved it. But I got this idea shortly after posting the last chapter and I was like "Oh my god! That is brilliant!" but sadly have not had time to write it as I have moved on to another fandom and another account.**

**So thus this has sprung for during my easter holidays.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10: And they all Lived Happily Ever After**

Her name was Diana and I soon found out she was a resident here. Diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, she was sent here after she pulled a knife on her mother and was deemed too aggressive for the outside world.

She resided in the ward on the opposite side of the hospital. This was the ward where the residents were dangers to others rather than my ward, where the residents are dangers to themselves.

Coincidentally, her ward was the one where the 'brawlers' resided. Apparently most of her ward was like this. "Brainless imbeciles" Diana would say.

I was still under heavy surveillance after my attempt, but of course I could outsmart my babysitters. And so I would sneak out of my ward to see Di.

We had quite a lot in common. She was of high intellectual capabilities, and was well-taught in the arts and cultures. She originally called London home, which I was quite pleased upon hearing. London was not too far to travel from my home in Ireland.

I fell in love with the way her sweet voice fell from supple lips. I fell in love with the way she would play with her blonde locks when she became shy. I fell in love with the hint of a blush that rose on her cheeks when I complimented her that day. But most of all I fell in love with the way her electric green eyes would sparkle in the middle of a well thought out debate.

I fell in love with her.

And, one month after that last attempt, I told her so. A soft blush rose on her cheeks, and her delicate fingers became entangled in her locks as she told me that she did indeed reciprocate these feelings.

However, she did fail to tell me that her name was not Diana at all. Nor was she even human and she suffered more narcissistic tendencies rather than O.D.D. This was, of course, the infamous pixie, Opal Koboi in disguise.

She had recently escaped from the poorly designed building they called a jail. Pfft as if that could hold a genius. And now she was out for revenge on a certain Artemis Fowl II.

She had done this by slowly chipping away at his sanity. Replacing sleeping pills with vitamins, causing the train to change tracks, snapping the branch poor Arty had attempted to hang himself on. It was all her. And now she had him right where he wanted him.

She would lure him away as the beautiful Diana, the reveal her true self. What would foolow would be his death. And holly Short was not going to save him this time.

So one night, she snuck to the Irish boys room, and cuddled up beside him. Oh how she despised this close proximity, but it was necessary for the plan.

"Arty" she whispered in his ear. He turned around to look at her with his dark blue eyes.

"Yes love?" he questioned.

"I want out. I can't handle it anymore"

And it only took this for Artemis to follow her into the night. They wandered until they were in the countryside beside the city of love, Paris.

Artemis was caught up in the situation, Paris, the girl of his dreams, escaping that prison they call a hospital. It was because of this that he failed to remember that there was a Fairy fort located here. So he was unaware what was happening when he was knocked unconscious by the girl he thought he loved.

When he woke up, he was underground in some form of warehouse. Instantly he knew that it was somewhere in the world he had given up on so long ago. The land of the fairies. And standing in front of him was the beautiful Diana. But something was wrong. She was changing. She grew shorter, her ears became pointy. Before long it was Opal Koboi who stood in front of him.

Not only did this shock Artemis, but it broke his heart. The genius had been so gullible as to believe someone so perfect for him existed. It was downright embarrassing for him.

"Aw was poor Arty in love" the pixie mocked "Well that's what you get when you listen to your heart, It gets broken" a mad cackle left her lips.

"I thought you were more original than to fall into the stereotypical villain role" Artemis was never on to stop the banter, even in a situation like this.

"I know, I know. Even my method of killing you seems stereotypical in the eyes of humanity. But it sounded thoroughly painful so I decided it would do just fine" And, as if on cue, the ground in front of Artemis opened to reveal a pool of acid. Artemis gulped. Now that he was finally facing death, he didn't think he was ready. But there was nothing he could do about it.

Her hands were on his back ready to push. She leaned down to whisper in his ear, almost in the same tone she used as Diana, as if to add insult to injury.

"It wasn't the world that hated you Arty. Just me"

And with one swift push, the life of the genius boy from Ireland was ended in a excruciatingly painful bath of acid to the tune of a mad giggle leaving the lips of the demented pixie.

**Gah. That didn't quite work out quite the way I planned. Oh well, it still turned the O.C into an actual character. I'm sure that will please a few critiques. =]**

**Please review!**


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